I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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