There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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