She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
