I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
