What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
