do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
