When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
