Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My bed smells like the plague
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
