Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
