who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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