Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
