How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
