I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
