dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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