Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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