is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
