my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
