she was so not down for the gang bang
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
