i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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