My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
