i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
