dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
