I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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