How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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