I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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