Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
