Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I see more hoeing in ur future
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
