I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
