Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
