Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
