dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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