"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
