i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
