dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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