just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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