Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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