I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You smell like stripper and shame
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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