My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
