K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
