I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
