the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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