Already got asked if we're dating
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
