Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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