I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
