you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
