i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
