My room smells like vodka and shame
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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