with your own penis?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
