i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
