xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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