I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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