It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
