Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
