My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
